Joshua Duggar

Joshua Duggar.

Many of you may know that I love 19 Kids and Counting, so the allegations shocked me, but what shocked me more was the response.

Josh Duggar admitted to molesting five girls as a teenager.

I was so surprised to hear of something so terrible done by someone in a family who I admire because of how they speak up for their faith.

Especially Josh.

I honestly felt like what he did just gave Liberals that flaming arrow that they have been dying to shoot at us for years.

A Conservative, Christian, homeschooler just admitted to the entire world that he did something wrong.

But then I thought of a few things that made me come to the realization that I have no justification for being mad at him.

1. I don’t know him.

We may feel that we know him because we have watched him grow up on television. You think you know his life and you see his amazing parents and feel like you can tell him how horrible of a person he really is. He managed to have a major mistake even with such an awesome family. But in reality, a lot of us Christian’s have great parents and then proceed to sin over and over and over. So how is he different? Because he is in the national spotlight? That’s a lot of pressure to have had as a 14 year old.

2. He made the problem right.

Yes, what he did was wrong. Terribly wrong. But he made it right. In his statement he said that his parents went to the authorities, he admitted what he had done wrong, he apologized for his actions to the people he hurt, he and the girls he hurt all received counseling, and he repented. People will still have memories and that hurt might never fully go away. That’s what happens when sin enters our lives, it ruins us and the people around us. Josh hurt a lot of people. He disappointed a lot of people. But after he realized what he had really done, he did all he could to make it right.

3. He is redeemed by the blood. 

I believe in accountability. I believe that if the allegations had come out and he admitted to it, but said that he was not wrong in what he did, it would have been completely acceptable for Christians to call him to accountability. But here’s the thing. He has repented and God has forgiven him. That is the most important thing. God has forgotten his sin. Jesus paid the price for people like Josh Duggar. People who have “sinned the worst sins.” And it is not my job to decide whether or not Josh is forgiven.

4. I have sinned.

We have all fallen short of the glory of God. God even said in His word that if you have stumbled over one law, you are guilty of all. So even if your “worst sin” was one lie to your parents about eating your broccoli when you were 5, you are guilty of molesting 5 girls too. God does not see “levels of sin.” He sees disobedience and rebellion. “And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her,” John 8:7.

So, yes, I will continue to watch 19 Kids and Counting. Josh is forgiven, which means that I need to forget.

And, in the nicest way possible, you all need to get over yourselves.

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2 comments

  1. Abby Scharfenkamp · May 22, 2015

    Hey Grace, sorry if I’m a bit more frank than is considered socially acceptable, however as a sister in Christ I feel it is my responsibility to share what I think. First off I want to say, I appreciate that you have so much humility and bravery to talk about a topic that was really important and hard for anyone talk about. The fact you consistently and openly support causes that relate to your faith, makes me think your heart is passionate like few Christians I know, and for that, I thank you. I just cannot as someone who shares your faith and seen the effects of abuse and been troubled by it myself, let you make all these unqualified statements. Regarding your intro, you say “I honestly felt like what he did just gave Liberals that flaming arrow that they have been dying to shoot at us for years” and
    But then I thought of a few things that made me come to the realization that I have no justification for being mad at him.” and “But then I thought of a few things that made me come to the realization that I have no justification for being mad at him.” You talk as if no person was effected by his abuse. As if no one out there will carry the scars of this for the rest of their lives, As if none of those girls might never trust men again, As if they wont have ptsd for months, and question their sexuality for years. You talk as if it was only an issue for conservatives. That is terrifying to me. I honestly dont care if you mention how bad and hurtful what he did was later in the paragraph, not saying so here shows a serious disconnect from compassion for the victims. Jesus was careful to protect the innocent and put-upon, so I believe he would be carefully respecting and treasuring the victims while seeing how to fix the broken person who would feel the need to do this, second.

    .You say in point one you say “So how is he different?” Josh Duggar is different for many reasons. He is different because most sinning 14 yearold kids who rebel against “good parents” get drunk at a party, or sleep around, or toilet paper trees in their neighborhood,or smoke weed, they dont commit a FELONY and INCEST. A person raised in a healthy home with no-traumatic experiences or brain damage would never, I repeat, never assault multiple siblings while they are in their sleep, and then conscious. I have always loved the Duggars but worried about the way they choose to raise their children. Absusers like Josh almost always have been assaulted themselves, (It was possible it was at the Bil Gotherd camp he attended. Since then many women and a few boys have come forward as having been assaulted in his program.) and Michelle and Jim Bob’s decision to repress and never deal with anything about sexuality with their kids, meant instead of coming forward to deal with his victimization and get counseling, he felt guilty, like it was his fault, and released that tension by hurting others. The fact his parents didnt see this dysfunction before he assaulted his sisters, the fact they didnt see a change in behavior after he was assaulted, the fact they didnt give him actual therapy, the fact they didnt give his sisters actual therapy, and finally, after ALL THIS HAPPENS THEY DECIDE TO MAKE A REALITY TV SHOW RATHER THAN HEALING THEIR WOUNDED FAMILY. This shows, not normal, good parents, this shows people who knew how to speak “christianese” without caring enough to go out side their comfort zone to help their family and would rather just pretend to the whole country they are perfect.

    Reguarding point two may I just say. No, nada, noodle, zip, zilch, never, nope, not how it works, nuh-huh. “But he made it right.” no. Saying you’re sorry doest change the past with assault anymore than saying you’re sorry to the person you murdered brings them back to life. No matter what he says, it doesnt “make it right” ever. In Christ and among very forgiving people, there is forgiveness for even atrocities like this, but when he gets forgiven is on the victims terms. They owe him no forgiveness, they are allowed to hate him. We hope they’d be able to move on and forgive, but they dont have to, and an abuser or the christian community have no right to expect this. Also, nothing beyond word of mouth from the Duggars, substantiates the girls got counciling, and since they didnt go to the police for a year, I have no faith in anything from them. Also all counciling isnt the same. The girls could have been sent to Bil Gothards seminar counciling for vicitms of sexual abuse, which basically only tell the girls they are responsible for what happened. (Bil Gotherd was a sexual offender in case you didnt catch that, and the Duggar loved him until all that information came out.)

    Point 3: This is true, but the subtext you tie to this bothers me. By saying this you are guilting victims into silence. As if, they aren’t being holy enough, or dont love Jesus enough if they dont forgive their abusers “like Christ forgave them”. Christ forgives everyone, but some times its after he beats them with a bull-whip (see temple scenes).

    Point 4: “We have all fallen short of the glory of God. God even said in His word that if you have stumbled over one law, you are guilty of all. So even if your “worst sin” was one lie to your parents about eating your broccoli when you were 5, you are guilty of molesting 5 girls too. God does not see “levels of sin.” He sees disobedience and rebellion. “And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her,” John 8:7. ” Let me just respond to the whole thing. Just because one has transgressed the whole law by transgressing one law, doesnt mean there arent levels of sin. Thats just nonsense that is not biblically supported. For example, here is how Jesus talks about child abuse “It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.”(luke 17:2) and here is how he helps people drunk at a wedding and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK; but you have saved the best till now.”( emphasis added, JOhn 2:10). The sins of child abuse and drunkenness are not even treated at all the same, let alone lying as child. Here another verse about wine for good measure Proverbs 31:7 “Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.” How drunk do you have to be to forget your life? I don’t know, but I’m guessing you are at least a little drunk. “He sees disobedience and rebellion” no, He sees women who will be scarred for the rest of their lives. Its not always about code, sometimes its about people being created in the image of God who loves them and the fact that in abusing them we commit atrocities.

    In summation, I cant watch the Duggars anymore. I dont have the stomach to see a broken family that squelched the non-family ambition of Jinger, and now make her clinically depressed, paraded around as what a christian family should be. If I am ever blessed to have a family and raise them in the tradition of the God whom I serve, our lives will be vastly different than the repressive, fake, hurtful way the Duggar parents have raised their family because as Jesus said “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10. I want a family with a full life, not one where we hide from reality and the world.

    I’m glad I serve a God who forgives, and if I had a debt to forgive as a viewer (which I dont) I believe I would have, but in-order to prove to others that the way they lives hurts children and stop these atrocities from happening, I’m forced to remember. I dont want to.

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    • thegirlinthemitten · May 22, 2015

      Hi Abby! Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your opinion. I deeply appreciate that you gave such thought and thank you for your input. The comment about Liberals was to show how I felt when I heard the news. I’m not saying it was a right thing to think, it just happened to be what I feared would happen. My point of this was not to lessen the tragedy of what happened to those girls. I very much understand that what happened probably created lifelong insecurities and problems that might never be totally solved. I hurt for those girls seeing how Josh was somebody they most likely trusted and he betrayed that. I will pray that those girls receive a spiritual and emotional healing that they can move on from the past and learn that God has great plans for them. I do have a few issues with your second point. It was never stated by the family that what he did was to his sisters. I’m not saying that he didn’t but I don’t think it is right of anyone who does not know the whole situation to make judgments about who he did it to. Although it is possible that Josh has been abused, they never said that he was. Also, I think it is unwise to say that Jim Bob and Michelle never dealt with their children’s sexuality when that may simply have not been something they discussed in front of cameras. We also don’t know whether or not he got counseling. I think it is unwise to assume things are true because it’s on the news. There is a lot of speculation right now on what happened but until the Duggar’s choose to make further comment, we have no right to guess at what might of happened. I also don’t think they were pretending about anything. They chose to keep something private instead of sharing it with the world. I certainly don’t want each of my sins declared to the world to talk about. The reasoning behind my point two is this. He did what he could to make it right. I understand that victims of situations like this may indeed hate the person who committed the crime. I know that sorry doesn’t fix everything. But it is a start to healing for the victim. I don’t believe that we are allowed to hate. It is wrong to hate sin or an action but not a person. Wrath is not ours, it is God’s. The victim’s of Josh’s terrible decision will not find peace until they forgive him. God gave his only son for us while we were yet sinners! Those girls have every reason to be mad, but they will not see healing and restoration until they forgive him. I understand you not believing everything the Duggar’s say but who else are we to believe? The press and tabloids? It has been proven time and time again that they lie. I agree that we don’t know what kind of counselling they received, so it is unwise of us to attempt to determine who did it and if it brought healing. I don’t believe that I am making victims feel guilty by saying this. I do believe that to be like Christ is to forgive as he forgave. Look what he said on the cross! “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” Jesus told us to forgive 70 times 7. The girls have a right to be angry but in their anger they should not sin. My point with number four was this. On earth we treat different criminals with different punishments. God sees sin this way. If you have sinned one small sin and not repented for it you are going to hell the same as someone who has murdered hundreds of people and raped dozens of women. “All sin is equal in its effect on our relationship to God, but the earthly consequences of our sinful acts varies widely.” It is a personal decision not to watch a show. I understand why you cannot. I do not see how they made Jinger depressed. Except for tabloids, I haven’t seen anything about depressed Duggars. I do not see how Jim Bob and Michelle’s parenting style created repressed, fake, and hurt kids. I do not see how they hide from reality and the world. They just choose what parts of the world they want to participate in. Josh made a horrible mistake. One that he obviously regrets and would change. I don’t believe holding on to his mistake to prove your point is wise. You will just end up bitter and hateful. There are much better ways to prove to others that the way they live hurts children. Thank you again for commenting. I hope there are no hard feelings.

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